Cinna’s Easy Plays from Shakespeare 10

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

SCENE l

Leonato (reading a letter) : This letter says that Prince Pedro will return here tonight.

Messenger: Yes, sir, he should arrive any time now.

Leonato: How many men were killed in the war ?

Messenger: Very few.

Leonato: Good, good. But war is always a bad business. This letter speaks very well of young Claudio.

Messenger: Oh, yes. The Lord Claudio did wonders. Every one thinks highly of him.

Leonato: We all like him, here.

Beatrice: Tell me, sir, will the Lord Denebick come here tonight?

Messenger:Lord Denebick, madam ? I know no one of that name.

Leonato: Denebick, Denebick ? I wonder who you are thinking about, Beatrice? Ah, just a minute, you spoke backwards; surely you mean Benedick.

Beatrice: Denebick, Benedick, backwards, forwards, what difference does it make ?

Leonato (to MESSENGER) : Do not misunderstand Beatrice, sir. There is a war of words between her and the Lord Benedick. If they meet, they must always argue.

Beatrice: If Benedick can fight as well as he talks, then the enemy is in great danger. Will he come ?

Messenger: Oh, yes, madam, I saw him this morning with Lord Claudio.

Hero: Oh, Claudio !

Beatrice: If you like Claudio, Hero, you should rescue him before Benedick deafens him with his ceaseless chatter.

Messenger: Look ! here they come now !

(Enter PEDRO, BENEDICK, CLAUDIO, JOHN.)

Leonato: Welcome, my lord, welcome back to my house.

Pedro: Thank you, good Leonato.

Leonato: Congratulations on a happy ending to the war.

Pedro :Yes, the fighting is finished; now we plan to enjoy peace.

Leonato: I see your brother Prince John also. Welcome, sir. Benedick! And Claudio. Hero will be pleased to see you !

Hero (embarrassed) : Father !

Pedro: Hero ! Of course, I remember. Your , daughter, I think.

Leonato: Her mother said Hero was my daughter, that's true.

Benedick : Were you in doubt, then ?

Leonato: No, Benedick; you were a child, so I was not in doubt.

Beatrice (pretending not to recognize BENEDICK) :Who is this impertinent fellow ?

Benedick (pretending not to recognize BEATRICE) :Excuse me, madam. You must be Hero's mother. Claudio, bring a chair for the old lady.

Beatrice :I'm surprised you speak, sir. No one is listening to you.

Benedick: Forgive me : did you say something ?

Pedro: The lady was talking to you, Benedick.

Benedick: My lord, so many ladies talk to me, I have no time to listen to all of them.

Beatrice: Oh! The great lover ! It would greatly benefit the ladies if you didn't talk to them. As for myself, I hope to hear no man says he loves mc. I'd rather hear a dog. (BENEDICK makes noise like a dog. BEATRICE makes noise like a cat. All laugh.)

Pedro: So, the war has started again. Are you safe in your own house, Leonato ?

Beatrice: I doubt it, sir, I doubt it. Let us go in and lock the doors.

Benedick (bowing to BEATRICE) : Ladies first. (BEATRICE makes cat noise. Exit all, but BENEDICK and CLAUDIO : JOHN stands separately.)

Benedick (yawns) : Well, let's go and wash. I need some clean clothes.

Claudio: Me, too. Did you see Hero ?

Benedick: Who ?

Claudio: Hero. You know.

Benedick: Ah, Hero. Yes, I saw her, though I can't say I looked at her.

Claudio: I saw nothing but Hero.

Benedick: Good Heavens ! Don't tell me you are interested in Hero.

Claudio: Why not ? She is the loveliest girl I ever saw.

Benedick: Then my eyes must be weak. Beatrice is lovely to look at, but unhappily, inside her, she has a devil. No, no, Claudio, women are dangerous. I say don't marry.

Claudio: I am too shy to say I want to marry.

Benedick: Too shy? Well, that's not a bad thing.

Pedro (entering) : Come along you two, we are going to have supper soon. Why do you stand about here whispering?

Benedick : Well, my lord, there is a horrible secret. Claudio here ....

Claudio: No! No!

Benedick: You see ?

Pedro: No, I don't see. What are you talking about ? Explain.

Benedick: Claudio, the Prince Pedro wants you to explain.

Claudio (very embarrassed) : Well, sir, I . . . .

(BENEDICK whispers into PEDRO'S ear. PEDRO laughs. )

Pedro: Oh ! Mliss Hero, eh ?

Benedick (mimicking CLAUDIO) : Yes, Miss Hero, but we are too shy to talk to her.

Claudio (angry) : Drop dead.

Pedro: Is this true, then Claudio ?

Claudio : Yes, sir.

Pedro: You love Hero ? :

Claudio: Yes.

Pedro: Does she love you ?

Claudio: I'm not sure.

Pedro: If she likes you, then you should marry. She is a fine girl.

Benedick: We would marry her, if we had the courage to talk to her.

Pedro: Claudio is a little quiet sometimes, that's true. But on the other hand, you Benedick, have ten tongues in your mouth. Why don't you talk for him ?

Benedick: Me? Help Claudio to marry ? Why should I ruin a friend ? No, no, it is better not to marry. Women ! Noise, talk, chatter, foolishness, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk !

Claudio: Not Hero.

Pedro: True. She is modest and quiet.

Benedick: It's a trick ! A woman's trick! After she marries, it will all change. The modest and quiet Hero will become a noisy chatterbox like Beatrice.

Pedro: Then perhaps the noisy chatterbox Beatrice may become modest and quiet like Hero.

Benedick: If she marries !

Pedro: If she marries.

Benedick: But who could possibly marry Beatrice !

Claudio : You.

Benedick: Me ! If I ever marry, write a large sign and put it outside my house, saying "Here lives Benedick the married man".

Pedro: I will, I will.

Benedick: I think you will not, sir. I will die a bachelor. Marriage is for fools.

Claudio: If you want to make unpleasant jokes, I wish you would go away and make them somewhere else.

Pedro: Yes, Benedick. Go and find Leonato. Tell him we are coming in to supper immediately.

Benedick: Very well, sir, I leave you with my Lord Love.

(Exit BENEDICK.)

Claudio: Does Leonato have a son?

Pedro: I don't think so.

Claudio: I could talk to a brother, and the brother could talk to Hero. That would make it easier.

Pedro: No, there is no brother, so that's impossible. Now let me see. How can we help you ? Suppose I say something ?

Claudio: Would you ?

Pedro: If you wish. Now, what's the best way to do it ? Ah, the dance.

Claudio: Dance ?

Pedro: Yes, tonight Leonato has invited everybody and we shall have music and dancing.

Claudio: Tonight is too soon. My clothes are not fit for a dance.

Pedro: That won't matter. It's a masked dance, so no one will see your face.

Claudio: Does every one wear a mask, then ?

Pedro: Oh, certainly. I suggest this : I will put on a mask, and dance with Hero. I will say I am Claudio and love her and ask her to marry me. What do you think?

Claudio (doubtfully) : Well, it's rather sudden, isn't it ?

Pedro: I am a soldier, Claudio. Decision! Action ! Victory !

Claudio : Well, sir, if you say so.

Pedro: Agreed. Come along then. I wonder where my brother is. John !

(Exit PEDRO and CLAUDIO)

John (to himself) : So! My brother Pedro will wear a mask, and then tell Hero he is Claudio. Hm. Is this my chance ? If I also wear a mask perhaps I can join the party and introduce some mischief. Yes, it might , work. Then revenge ! For a long time I have wanted revenge against Pedro. (Enter LEONATO, BEATRICE, HERO.)

Leonato: Prince John ! Your brother is dining with us. Please come along and join us ! :

(JOHN shakes his head and exits.)

Beatrice. He's a strange fellow.

Hero: Just like a snake, if you ask me.

Leonato: Prince John doesn't talk much. He doesn't seem to have any friends.

Hero: My maid Margaret seems to like his servant Borachio.

Leonato: Tell her to leave him. I don't trust John far, nor any one near him. He is silent and sinister like the grave.

Beatrice: The very opposite of Benedick. I am looking for a man just half way between John and Benedick.

Leonato (laughing) : Yes ! Put half of John's silence in Benedick's mouth, and half of Benedick's breath in John....

Beatrice: Plus a great deal of money, plus a handsome face, yes, then you might have a man I might look at.

Leonato: Beatrice, Beatrice, you will never find a husband if you talk so boldly !

Beatrice: Me ! When the Lord Benedick starts waging his war of words a girl has to defend herself.

Leonato: Well, if Benedick is too noisy, Claudio is too quiet. The Prince Pedro is between the two, and, Beatrice I think he is interested in you.

Beatrice: Prince Pedro ? He is too old for me. And as for Claudio, Hero is waiting I think.

Hero: Yes, I am waiting.

Beatrice: Strange he doesn't say anything to you.

SCENE 2

(Enter all. They put on masks. Music; dancing.)

Pedro (in mask, to HERO) : Madam, may I dance with you ?

Hero (to herself) : It must be Claudio.

(to PEDRO) I am waiting for Prince Pedro.

Pedro: Then dance with me until he comes.

( They dance, and later exit.)

Benedick (in mask, to BEATRICE) : Now, let me think, who are you ?

Beatrice: I am Benedick.

Benedick: Benedick ! Impossible.

Beatrice: Good-bye then.

Benedick :No, no, don't go. Let's dance.

Beatrice: Can you dance with an impossible person ?

Benedick :I'll teach you.

Beatrice: Do .

Benedick: Who is this fellow Benedick ?

Beatrice: I was joking. That's Benedick, over there.

Benedick: Who, him ?

Beatrice:Yes, look at him. He thinks he is so handsome and clever. Behind his back, all the girls laugh at him.

Benedick: The girls laugh at Benedick? Why?

Beatrice: He is so conceited.

Benedick :I don't feel so well. Let's sit down.

Beatrice: No, dancing is better, grandfather. You should not drink so much ( They dance, and exit.)

John (in mask, to CLAUDIO) : Sir, are you the Lord Benedick?

Claudio: Benedick? Yes.

John: Then you are a friend to the Lord Claudio.

Claudio: Yes.

John: Warn him. There will be trouble.

Claudio: What trouble ?

John: Claudio loves Hero, but the Prince Pedro has taken her into the garden alone.

Claudio: Oh, that's all right. It's just a little joke.

John: Joke ? Is it? I think Prince Pedro pretends it's a joke, but in truth he plans to steal Hero and marry her himself.

Claudio: Nonsense !

John:All right, don't believe me. Go in the garden and look.

Claudio: Look at what ?

John: Why believe me? Look over that wall. If that is a joke, then, of course, everything will be all right.

Claudio: What are you talking about ? I don't understand. Explain.

John: I will explain to Claudio, perhaps. Go and tell him.

Claudio: Who a re you ?

(Exit JOHN)

Claudio (to himself, taking off mask) : I listen with the ears of Benedick, and I learn Prince Pedro wants Hero for himself. Can this be true ? When love appears, how quickly friendship vanishes. I had better go to the garden and see what is happening.

Benedick (entering) : Claudio ?

Claudio: Yes.

Benedick: Enjoying the dance ?

Claudio (very angry) : No.

Benedick (very surprised) : What ever is the matter ?

Claudio: Prince Pedro and Hero are in the garden.

Benedick: Well, that's the plan you made, isn't it ?

Claudio: I made one plan, but Prince Pedro follows another.

(Exit CLAUDIO.)

Benedick: Well, well ! First Beatrice talks to me but does not know who I am. Now Claudio talks to me and I hardly know who he is.

(Enter PEDRO, LEONATO, HERO.)

Pedro: Benedick, have you seen Claudio ?

Benedick: He has just gone to look for you, sir.

Pedro: Oh. Hero and I are looking for him. I sent Beatrice to find him, too. :

Benedick: Beatrice !

Pedro: Yes. She said you had been annoying her.

Benedick. Me! That woman drives me crazy.

(Enter BEATRICE and CLAUDIO.)

Beatrice: I have found Claudio.

Benedick : (to PEDRO) Sir, have you no work for me ? Can you not send me to some distant country? Is there no new war we can start somewhere ? Fighting is so peaceful.

Pedro: Nonsense. This house is the best place for you.

Benedick: I think not, so let me banish myself before my ears are infected.

(Exit BENEDICK.)

Pedro: Beatrice, you seem to have lost the love of Lord Benedick.

Beatrice: Have I, sir ? How careless of me ! But so many men give me their hearts, it's easy enough to lose a few of them.

Pedro: You are wrong, Beatrice, Benedick is the ideal man for you.

Beatrice: Well, sir, I don't know, but I think you wanted Claudio.

Pedro: Yes. Why do you seem so sad, Claudio ?

Claudio: I am not sad, my lord.

Pedro: Sick, then ?

Claudio: No, I am not sick.

Beatrice: Not sad, not sick, but perhaps a tiny bit jealous ?

Pedro: How can he be jealous ? Claudio, here is the lady you seek. Take her. I woo'd her in your name and she admits she doesn't hate you. Her father agrees, too.

Leonato: Yes, Claudio, take my daughter. I have no son and you will be a perfect son to me, if you marry Hero.

( Pause)

Beatrice: Speak, Claudio. Your name is not Benedick.

Claudio: Silence is the best answer. Hero, if you will have me, I am yours.

Hero: I will.

Leonato. Bless you both.

Beatrice: Don't lose him, Hero.

Pedro: Ah, a tiny bit jealous, perhaps ?

Beatrice: Jealous ? Me ? Never. I shall never marry! I shall sit here in the sun and grow old slowly.

Pedro: I found a wife for Claudio. Now, I will find a husband for Beatrice.

Beatrice: I don't want a husband !

(BEATRICE cries! HERO comforts her! both exit.)

Pedro: That is a high-spirited girl, Leonato !

Leonato: I'm afraid so. Forgive her.

Pedro: Oh, she means no harm. She wants a husband. That's why she denies it so strongly.

Leonato: Her heart is good, but her tongue is so sharp !

Pedro: Yet she would make an ideal wife to Benedick, don't you agree ?

Claudio :Benedick and Beatrice ?

Leonato: One would talk the other into madness in no time.

Pedro: Oh, I don't know. Claudio, how about you and Hero ? When will you marry ?

Claudio: Tomorrow.

Leonato: Tomorrow ! Impossible. How about next week ?

Claudio: Next week ? Impossible.

Pedro: Next week will be soon enough, Claudio, and we will spend the time laying traps for Benedick.

Claudio :Laying traps for Benedick ? What do you mean, sir ?

Pedro: I suggest a plan; let's trap Beatrice into marriage with Benedick, and at the same time trap Benedick into marriage with Beat-rice. Then you can all be married on the same day.

Leonato: Bravo ! Yes, a perfect plan. But, how ?

Pedro: Good, Leonato. How. about you, Claudio, will you help ?

Claudio: Oh, certainly.

Pedro: Excellent. Let's go and decide what to do.

(Exit all.)

SCENE 3

(Enter JOHN and MARGARET, separately.)

John: Pssst ! Margaret !

Margaret: Oh !

John: Are you Margaret ?

Margaret: Yes, sir.

John: You work for Miss Hero ?

Margaret: Yes, sir.

John: I thought so. Borachio works for me.

Margaret: Borachio !

John :Oh, yes, I know all about it. He wants to marry you.

Margaret: Yes, but we have no money.

John (putting money in her hand) : Here is money.

Margaret: Why are you giving me this ?

John: I want you both to be very happy. He is an excellent servant.

Margaret: Oh, thank you, sir, thank you. How can I possibly thank you ?

John: Easily.

Margaret (doubtfully) : Please tell me what you mean.

John: Miss Hero and the Lord Claudio will marry next week.

Margaret: Yes.

John: Claudio and I are very good friends. I say he hardly knows Hero. Benedick says he is too shy to look at her. So, I have planned a little joke. Tonight, I will take Claudio and Prince Pedro into the garden near Hero's room. After she is sleeping, you come to her window. Borachio will be waiting for you. He will then come to you, and call you Hero.

Margaret:Borachio will call me Hero ? Why ?

John: That's the joke. If Claudio knows Hero well, he will know the mistake at once. If he thinks you are Hero, however, he will be jealous and we shall all have a good laugh.

Margaret: I don't know, sir. It's strange joke. Lord Claudio will become jealous, I think.

John: After we laugh, I will explain everything. Now don't forget. Keep the money, and keep your mouth shut. This will be our little secret, eh ?

Margaret (doubtfully) : Yes, sir. Thank you. It still seems strange to me.

John (laughing) : No, no, no; It's all in good humour, Margaret !

(Exit both.)

SCENE 4

(Enter BENEDICK and young boy.)

Benedick: Boy !

Boy: Sir ?

Benedick: In my room, there is a book near the window. Go and bring it here.

Boy: Yes, sir. I am here already.

Benedick: So I see, but I want you to go and come again.

(Exit boy.)

Benedick (to himself) : So, poor old Claudio will marry. Ridiculous! Next week we shall laugh and talk of Claudio the Married Man, but never, I hope, will any one laugh and talk of Benedick the Married Man. Who could I marry ? It's impossible. The woman would have to be very rich, and very mild, and very kind, and very beautiful. Where can I find such a woman? She must sing well, and dance well, and listen to me when I am talking. She must dress well, and make the house comfortable. Her lips must be red, and her eyes black, and her hair........ well, the colour of her hair is not important.

(Enter boy with book.)

Benedick: Thank you.

Boy:I am back again, sir.

Benedick: Yes, but now I wish you to go again.

(Exit boy. BENEDICK sits and reads. Enter PEDRO, CLAUDIO, LEONATO, secretly.)

Pedro (in a whisper) : There he is, alone.

Claudio (in a whisper) : Quiet! He will hear you.

Leonato (in a whisper) : We want him to hear us.

( They sing.)

"Sigh no more ladies, ladies sigh no more

Men were deceivers ever

One foot in the sea and one on the shore

To one thing constant never

Then sigh not so, but let them go

And be you blythe and bonny

Into hey, nonny nonny."

Benedick (to himself) : What's this ? A hospital for sick dogs ?

Claudio (in whisper) : Let's begin. :

Pedro (to LEONATO, loudly so BENEDICK can hear) :Now, Leonato, where is Miss Beatrice ?

Leonato: Ah, sir, she is in her room, crying.

Pedro: Crying ? Why ?

Leonato: Love. Her heart is broken.

Claudio: But who does Beatrice love ? She always says she dislikes men.

Leonato: She says that to us, yes : but in secret, to Hero, she tells the truth ; Beatrice is crazy for Benedick. l

Pedro :Beatrice loves Benedick ? Impossible.

Benedick (to himself): Beatrice loves me ? Impossible.

Leonato (to PEDRO) : No, sir, it's all too true. In public she pretends to be cold, but in private, ah, her passions are wild.

Benedick (to himself) : Her passions are wild !

Pedro: But how do you know of this secret ?

Leonato: Let me explain. Hero and Beatrice sleep in the same room. Hero picked up a book of Beatrice's. A piece of paper fell out. On this paper was a poem.

Claudio: A poem ?

Pedro: A poem !

Leonato: Yes. Beatrice had secretly written a poem to Benedick.

Pedro :Did you read it ?

Leonato (showing paper) : Here it is.

Pedro: Let's see.

(LEONATO holds paper! others stand behind him and read. They say nothing but make sounds of surprise. BENEDICK looks at them anxiously.)

Pedro: Incredible. You say Beatrice wrote this to Benedick ?

Claudio: Shameless.

Pedro: It's a trick, Leonato, you wrote this !

Benedick (to himself) : Of course, it is a trick.

Leonato: No, no, it's a woman's hand writing.

Pedro: Yes that's true. Perhaps Hero wrote it.

Claudio :My Hero ? She could never write so boldly.

Pedro: Then we must show it to Benedick.

Claudio: No, no ! He would laugh. You know Benedick !

Leonato: Benedick scorns women, remember. He will never marry.

Claudio: He has said so a thousand times. You know his joke ? "Benedick the Married Man."

Pedro: Yet we are friends of both of them. Don't you agree Benedick and Beatrice should marry ?

Leonato: They should. They would be perfect.

Pedro: After they marry they would be perfect, yes. But how can we make them agree to marry?

Leonato: It's impossible.

Pedro :Can we do nothing, then ?

Leonato: I fear not.

Claudio: Beatrice and Benedick will live and die in loneliness.

Pedro: It's so stupid. Each is too proud to admit his feelings.

Leonato: Too bad, too bad. Let's go to dinner.

Pedro: I can't eat. I feel too sad.

Claudio (secretly to PEDRO and LEONATO) : The fish has taken the bait. I am certain. Leonato (aloud) : It's dinner time, so we should go. The others will be waiting. (in a whisper) We can send Beatrice to tell Benedick to come to dinner. (Exit LEONATO, PEDRO, CLAUDIO.)

Benedick (to himself) : Is this a joke ? No. They did not see me. It must be true. Beatrice loves me. Wild passion ? Poems ? And yet they say I am arrogant. What can I do ? When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I would live until I married. Beatrice ! Beatrice ! If you love me, then I must love you ! Good lord, here she comes.

(Enter BEATRICE' )

Beatrice:Against my wishes, I am sent to tell you something.

Benedick (romantically) : Then tell me. I am ready, lovely Beatrice.

Beatrice (surprised) : "Lovely Beatrice". What's all this ?

Benedick: Thank you for walking so far.

Beatrice: I did not walk far.

Benedick: Tell me your news.

Beatrice: Come to dinner.

Benedick (surprised) : Come to dinner ?

Beatrice: Yes.

Benedick: Is that all ?

Beatrice: Yes. Dinner is ready, but please yourself. If you are not hungry, then don't come. (Exit BEATRICE.)

Benedick: "Against my wishes, I am sent" That has two meanings. I was sent but at the same time I wished to come. In other words, she was glad to have a chance to talk to me. Sweet, shy Beatrice ! I will love you. I will love you horribly ! Benedick ! Benedick ! Are you a man ! Are you a gentleman ! Can you ignore an unhappy woman ! No. I must be in love. I must buy some better clothes and conquer Beatrice. Wait for me, Beatrice, wait for me !

(Exit BENEDICK.)

SCENE 5

(Enter HERO and MARGARET.)

Hero: Margaret, Margaret !

Margaret : Madam ?

Hero: Quick, quick, listen to me. The Prince and I are planning a little joke. It concerns the lady Beatrice.

Margaret: A joke on Beatrice ?

Hero: We want to tease Beatrice into loving Benedick. They are both so proud, you know. Now listen. Next time we see Beatrice we will hide, but speak so she can hear us.

Margaret: What shall we say ?

Hero: We shall say Benedick is slowly dying of love for Beatrice, but he is too shy to tell her. As she is proud and sarcastic, Benedick is silent.

Margaret: That's a wonderful idea.

Beatrice (off) : Hero ! Hero !

Margaret: Here she comes.

Hero: Let's hide.

Beatrice (entering) : Hero ! Dinner is ready ! Where are you ?

Hero (in loud voice to MARGARET, not looking at BEATRICE) : It's hopeless, Margaret.

Margaret: But he loves her so much !

Hero: Benedick loves Beatrice, everybody knows that, but she is so cold she does not love him.

Beatrice (to herself, separately) : Benedick loves me ?

Margaret:Benedick never comes to dinner. He has not eaten for days.

Hero: He is pale and weak.

Margaret: Prince Pedro wants to send for a doctor.

Hero: What can a doctor do ? Beatrice is killing him slowly.

Margaret: She is so cold.

Beatrice (to herself) : Me ! Cold !

Hero:Cold? Surely, she is hot. She burns him if he comes near.

Margaret: Hot or cold, Benedick has no hope.

Hero: She seems to love no one. Yet, I wonder. She talks so much about her dislike for men, I think she has a secret love in her heart.

Margaret: What can we do ?

Hero: Nothing. I will talk to Benedick. : I will tell him he has no hope. He must fight against his passion for her.

Beatrice (to herself): Benedick's passion for me !

Margaret: We must find Benedick some other girl; he is the best man in Italy.

Hero :He is the second best man in Italy !

Margaret: I'm sorry, I forgot Claudio.

Hero: Claudio and I are getting married tomorrow. After our marriage, we will look for a nice quiet girl for Benedick.

Margaret: It's such a pity. Beatrice would make a perfect wife for Benedick

Hero:Yes, but she won't think of it. Let's go and look at my wedding dress. (Exit HERO and MARGARET.)

Beatrice (to herself) : My ears are burning ! Can this be true? Can I be hot and cold at the same time? Am I too proud? Yes...... No! Oh, Benedick! I love you! Benedick! Benedick !

(Exit BEATRICE.)

SCENE 6

(Enter PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, LEONATO.)

Pedro : So, you will marry tomorrow, Claudio !

Claudio: I certainly intend to, my lord.

Pedro: As soon as I see you both happy, I must leave for Aragon. Ah, business, business. (CLAUDIO sees BENEDICK, and points to him. The others look and laugh. BENEDICK is very smartly dressed; uses a small mirror, combs his hair, pats his face with perfume, etc.)

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Benedick (embarrassed) : Galants, I am not as I was.

Claudio: Heavens ! Benedick is sick!

Leonato: Call a doctor.

Claudio: Sit down, my dear fellow.

Pedro: Tooth-ache, Benedick ?

Leonato: Then a dentist would be better.

Claudio: Fetch both, just to make sure.

Benedick (coldly) : Laugh if you wish.

Pedro (laughing) : No, no, we must not laugh.

Claudio: I can't help laughing. Look at those clothes !

Pedro: And the hat !

Leonato: French, surely ?

Claudio: No, no, Italian.

Pedro: His tie is certainly American.

Leonato: Scotch tweed jacket.

Claudio: Mexican shirt.

Pedro: Chinese, I think.

Claudio: The perfume is French.

Claudio (mimicking BENEDICK) : We are in love with Beatrice all of a sudden but we are too shy to say so.

Benedick (shaking head as if CLAUDIO is mad): Poor fellow.

(Exit BENEDICK and LEONATO)

Pedro: I think Benedick wants Leonato to tell Beatrice that Benedick loves her.

Claudio: The fish took the bait.

Pedro :Hook, line and sinker.

Claudio: Then perhaps Benedick and Beatrice will marry tomorrow when I marry Hero.

Pedro : Tomorrow ! Impossible.

(Enter JOHN)

Claudio: Here is your brother, Lord John.

John: Good evening, brother.

Pedro: John! Hallo.

John: May I speak with you.

Pedro: In private ?

John:No, this concerns Claudio also.

Claudio (with dislike) : Me? Why ?

John: I believe you intend to marry the lady Hero tomorrow.

Pedro: Of course he does.

John: Do you ?

Claudio: I will marry her tomorrow.

John :I think not.

Claudio (surprised) : Not?

Pedro (surprised) : What on earth are you talking about ?

Claudio: If there is some reason why I cannot marry her, then tell me.

Pedro: Explain yourself.

John: Oh, well, I do not want to interfere, and it's none of my business any way, but as you are so friendly with the prince my brother I felt I should say what I heard....

Claudio (impatiently) : Yes, yes, yes. Make yourself plain.

John: Hero loves another man.

Pedro: She loves another man ?

Claudio: Hero ?

John: Hero. Your Hero, Leonato's Hero. Everybody's Hero.

Claudio (angry) : It's a lie.

Pedro (angry) : That's a terrible thing to say, brother.

John: It is terrible. I speak only the truth. If you want proof, come with me tonight and see for yourself.

Claudio: See ? See what ?

John: See Hero meet her lover in secret. If you still want to marry her, why then, go ahead and marry her tomorrow.

Pedro: There is some mistake.

John: Come and see, too, Pedro. There is no mistake.

Claudio: The night before our wedding ! John: Yes, a lover's goodbye. You don't like me Claudio, but if I save you from a faithless wife, you will begin to like me, I think.

(Exit all.)

SCENE 7

(Enter HERO and MARGARET. HERO prepares to sleep. She lies and sleeps. MARGARET watches her closely. After HERO sleeps, MARGARET goes to window, a man in disguise approaches. They talk and embrace.)

Borachio: Margaret ?

Margaret: Borachio !

Borachio: Shh! Not so loud. (in a louder voice) Hero ! Hero !

(Enter JOHN, PEDRO, CLAUDIO, in distance.)

John: We will wait here in the garden.

Pedro: Look! Look! A man is at Hero's window.

John:Yes!

Claudio: I don't see Hero.

Borachio :Hero !

Claudio (angry) : I will kill him.

(CLAUDIO wants to run and kill BORACHIO ; PEDRO stops him.)

Margaret: Listen ! Some one is in the garden.

Borachio: Good-bye . Hero.

(Exit BORACHIO and MARGARET separately. CLAUDIO breaks free from PEDRO and runs to window : PEDRO and JOHN follow.)

Pedro :There is her bed.

Claudio: She is sleeping.

John :Ah, she pretends to be sleeping.

Claudio: I will kill her.

Pedro: No, no, no. We must discuss this.

John: You are hot, Claudio.

Pedro: Sleep first, and tomorrow we will make a plan.

(Exit PEDRO, CLAUDIO, JOHN)

SCENE 8

(Enter MARGARET carrying wedding dress.)

Margaret:Madam, madam. Wake up ! This is your wedding day.

Hero (waking) : What ! Margaret, good morning .

Margaret: Yes, it's a lovely morning.

Hero: And my wedding day.

Margaret: Now, hurry, hurry, madam. Here is your wedding dress. Your father is getting ready and we must soon take you to meet your handsome new husband.

Hero: How do I look ?

Margaret:Look? Madam, madam, last month I saw the Duchess of Milan's dress.

Hero: Oh, they say that was beautiful !

Margaret : Nothing, nothing. Your dress is worth ten of her's. She has money but no taste. This dress . . . ah ! Exquisite.

Hero: Thank you, dear Margaret. Beatrice (entering) : Hero. Happy wedding day.

Hero (kissing her) : Thank you.

Beatrice: I am so jealous.

Hero:Jealous? Oh, don't be such a goose. Why, my father thinks that Benedick. . . .

Beatrice: Benedick? Who is Benedick ?

Hero (to Margaret) : What are we to do, Margaret? Benedick is dying for love of her but she won't love him!

Beatrice (picks up gloves) : What marvellous gloves ! (She smells them.) Heavenly !

Margaret: I was just telling Lady Hero that last month the Duchess of Milan's dress was simply nothing.

Beatrice (laughing) : The Duchess of Milan! That old hag !

Leonato (enters) : Hero !

Hero: Father.

(Kisses LEONATO)

Leonato: Now, come along girls, come along !

Claudioand the gentlemen are all waiting for you. Today is your wedding day, Hero, or have you forgotten !

Hero: Forgotten !

Beatrice: She has not forgotten. I am the forgotten one. Lovely Hero is loved by every one.

Leonato: Now, now, none of that, Miss Beatrice ! Time to go.

Hero: Stop fussing, father. Girls take a long time to get ready !

Leonato: They certainly do !

(Exit all.)

SCENE 9

(Enter CLAUDIO, dressed for wedding; also PEDRO, BENEDICIC, JOHN, they wait in silence on one side. Enter HERO in wedding dress, she has her hand on LEONATO'S arm. BEATRICE, MARGARET follow. The girls stand on the other side of stage. LEONATO walks to center, with HERO.)

Leonato: Claudio, this is my only child, Hero. She is everything I have.

Pedro: Hero, Claudio asked you to marry him. What is your answer ? Will you marry him ?

Leonato: You know her answer !

Pedro: A marriage must be exact. Is there any reason why Hero should not marry Claudio ?

Leonato: Of course there is no reason against the marriage.

Claudio: You are a bold man to answer for your daughter, sir.

Leonato (puzzled) : What do you mean, Claudio ?

Benedick (laughing) : Come, come, Claudio. This is no time for frowns and worried faces.

Beatrice: Yes, yes. The wedding.

Benedick: Hero is waiting. Take her. Marry her.

Claudio: Leonato, do you freely give me your daughter ?

Leonato(putting HERO's hand in CLAUDIO'S hand) : I do.

Claudio. What can I give you of equal value?

Leonato: Of equal value ? Why, nothing ! Unless you return her to me.

Claudio: I do.

(He throws HERO against LEONATO.)

Leonato (amazed) : What's this !

(All are surprised.)

Benedick and Beatrice (ad-lib) : Claudio ! Are you mad ! What do you think you are doing?

Claudio:Take her!

Leonato:Take her? Why?

Pedro: Why? Because she cannot marry Claudio.

Leonato :Why do you say so, my lord ?

Claudio :Because she is already loved by another man.

Leonato: Hero ! Another man ! Impossible !

Pedro: It's true.

Leonato (angry) : How dare you say so !

Claudio: Ask your daughter what she did last night.

Leonato: Last night? Why, she went to bed. Ask Beatrice. They share a room.

Beatrice :We used to, yes, but last night I did not sleep in that room.

Leonato: Then she slept alone. My daughter has never looked at any man but you, Claudio.

Claudio: Ask her.

Leonato: Ask her what ?

Claudio: Ask her what man she talked to in the dark last night.

Leonato (to HERO) : Did you, Hero ?

(HERO is too embarrassed to answer.)

Pedro: She understands.

Hero: No, my lord, I do not understand.

Pedro: Hero, last night, Claudio and I stood in the garden outside your window. We saw and heard everything.

Claudio: We saw the man embrace you. Pedro: We heard him say "Hero" a thousand times.

Hero: No.

Claudio: We heard it !

Pedro: Take her, Leonato. Do not offer my friend such a worthless wife.

John:Stop, brother. It is too shameful.

Leonatotried to sell his rotten goods but failed. Let us go to Aragon.

Pedro: Yes. I will never come to this house again.

Claudio: Let's go.

Leonato: Hero. Is this true? Why don't you answer ?

(HERO faints.)

John: She faints. She is guilty.

Pedro: Let's go.

Benedick (kneeling by HERO) : Hero ! Is she dead ?

Beatrice:Dead! Oh no!

Leonato: My Hero dead !

John :Do you want more proof?

Pedro: Let's go.

(Exit PEDRO, CLAUDIO, JOHN.)

Benedick: No. She is not dead. Look.

Beatrice :Hero ! Speak to me !

Leonato :No. Let her die. Death is better than shame.

Benedick: Shame ! Do you believe this mad story ?

Leonato: Why did she faint ?

Beatrice: Because she is a pure, innocent girl. No guilty girl would faint.

Leonato: Hm. Maybe .

Benedick: Hero with a secret lover ? It's nonsense.

(HERO opens her eyes.)

Beatrice :Hero !

Hero: Beatrice. Am I alive ?

Beatrice: Of course you are alive.

Hero: Let me die.

Beatrice: You die ! Nonsense. There is no reason.

Hero: There is no reason, but Claudio thinks there i3 a reason.

Benedick :Then Claudio is wrong.

Hero: But he believes it!

Benedick:Yes, he does. It's very strange.

Leonato: Prince Pedro says he saw you with another man.

Benedick:It's odd they should both make this same mistake.

Leonato: And Prince John.

Beatrice: John, John. You know something ? I wonder if John. . . .

( Pause )

Benedick:Yes. John. He is a strange fellow.

Beatrice: Can it be some trick ?

Benedick: We should test their story very carefully .

Leonato: In the meantime what can we do about Hero ?

Beatrice: They went away thinking her dead.

Benedick:They did. That gives me an idea. Leonato, hide your daughter in your house. We will act as if she were dead. Then secretly we must ask questions and search for the truth. If there is some innocent explanation....

Beatrice: Then Hero and Claudio can marry !

Leonato (doubtful) : Well. Perhaps. Come Hero.

(Exit HERO and LEONATO.)

Benedick: You know something ?

Beatrice: What ?

Benedick: They all say they saw Hero. They all say the man called her Hero.

Beatrice: Yes.

Benedick: But no one says who the man was.

Beatrice (angry and crying) : True. I hadn't thought of that. I hate those three men.

Benedick: You are crying.

Beatrice: I am not !

Benedick: You are.

Beatrice: My dearest friend is almost killed on her wedding day ! Do you expect me to laugh ?

Benedick: You are right. What can we do ?

Beatrice: Do you believe she is innocent ?

Benedick: Of course she is innocent.

Beatrice: Then prove it.

Benedick: Prove it ? How ?

Beatrice :Kill Claudio.

Benedick (surprised) : Kill Claudio !

Beatrice: Yes. He insulted Hero. You saw him.

Benedick: He had some reason.

Beatrice: Did he ? If he had reason to suspect her, why didn't he ask her quietly and in private ? Why the public insult ?

Benedick: You are angry.

Beatrice: Yes, I am angry.

Benedick: I love you when you are angry, and that's the truth.

Beatrice: You love me ?

Benedick: And you love me.

Beatrice: I do not !

Benedick: You do !

Beatrice: I do not.

Benedick: If I kill Claudio, will you love me?

Beatrice: Yes.

Benedick (going) : Very well. Wait here. I will kill Claudio and come back as soon as possible.

Beatrice (anxiously) : No ! Don't kill him ! Benedick !

(Exit BENEDICK.)

Beatrice: Do I love Benedick ? Well, first, we must find justice for poor dear Hero.

(Exit BEATRICE)

SCENE 9

(Enter PEDRO, CLAUDIO, LEONATO separately.)

Pedro: Good-bye, Leonato. We are leaving your house now.

Leonato: Don't go yet.

Claudio: The prince is busy, Leonato. Good-bye.

Leonato: Sol' the coward is running away, eh ?

Claudio: Coward ? Who do you mean ?

Leonato (angry) : I mean you, Claudio. You killed my daughter and now you leave us.

Claudio: I did not kill your daughter.

Leonato (sarcastic) : Then she must be alive !

Pedro: Your daughter is dead, and Claudio did not kill her. Her crime was obvious.

Leonato: Hero was innocent.

Pedro: We both saw her embracing a lover the night before her wedding.

Leonato: Tell me the name of the man.

Claudio: He ran away before we could reach him.

Leonato: And you were enough of a gentleman to wait until the wedding and then throw her at me.

Pedro: Good-bye, Leonato.

Leonato: Listen to me. You killed my daughter, Claudio, and I will kill you.

Pedro: Come, Claudio. The old man doesn't know what he is saying.

Leonato (furious) : If you do not listen to me today, you will certainly listen to me later.

(Exit LEONATO.)

Claudio: Well !

Pedro :He is mistaken, but we can understand his anger. It's natural. Hero surprised us, didn't she ? She also surprised her father.

(Enter BENEDICK)

Claudio: Benedick !

Benedick (to PEDRO) : Good day, my lord.

Pedro: Ah, Benedick, we are leaving now. Please hurry. I want to be in Aragon before this evening.

Benedick :I will not be coming with you, sir.

Pedro (surprised) : What! Not coming !

Benedick: I thank you for your many courtesies, but from now I can not continue in your company. I shall stay to find the murderer of Hero.

Claudio: The murderer of Hero? Don't be absurd.

Benedick: I am not joking, Claudio. If I find proof that you killed her, Claudio, then I shall kill you.

Claudio: You will kill me ?

Benedick: That's a promise.

Claudio: Don't be a fool. You are my oldest friend.

Benedick: From now we are strangers, Claudio. Prince Pedro, perhaps you know that your brother John has vanished.

Pedro: John? Gone? Where?

Benedick: I'm not sure. But I want to talk to him about this problem. Somebody has killed , a sweet and innocent lady and I think I know his name. Wait for me Claudio.

(Exit BENEDICK.)

Pedro: No, Benedick is not joking.

Claudio: But why does he want to kill me?

Pedro: Remember, Benedick did not see the man at Hero's window.

Claudio: But we saw him! She did not deny it !

Pedro: But my brother John has hurried away ? I wonder why.

(Enter LEONATO)

Leonato: Prince Pedro.

Pedro: Oh no ! Leonato again ! Let's go.

Leonato: My lord, important news.

(MARGARET enters at one side and listens secretly. )

Pedro: What is it ?

Leonato: Your brother John has gone.

Pedro: So I hear.

Leonato: But Borachio sent a letter to Margaret.

Pedro: Who is Borachio ?

Leonato: Borachio is John's servant. This letter arrived today for Margaret.

Claudio: So ?

Leonato (showing letter) : Here is the letter. Don't you think it is very strange that immediately after Hero is accused, the accuser's servant should send a letter to Hero's servant ? I think we should open this letter and read it.

Margaret: No !

Leonato: Margaret ! !

Margaret: Sir, that's my letter not yours.

Leonato: And why should Borachio write to you?

Margaret: We are, well, friendly.

Leonato (surprised) : You are friendly with Borachio !

Margaret: He wants to marry me .

Pedro: My brother's servant wants to marry you .

Margaret: Yes, my lord.

Leonato: But yesterday Borachio' s master John killed your mistress Hero,.

Margaret (falling on knees, and crying) : It was a mistake. I didn't mean it.

Claudio: Didn't mean what ?

Leonato: What are you talking about, Margaret ? Explain yourself. .

Margaret: They gave me money. Prince John gave me money.

Pedro: Why ?

Margaret: He wanted to play a joke, he said. I had to wait until Lady Hero was sleeping, then stand at her window. Borachio came to me, kissed me, called me Hero.

Claudio (amazed) : You ! You were standing at Hero's window.

Margaret:It was a joke. I didn't know she would die.

Pedro: Your words cut me like a knife.

Margaret (throwing money on floor) : I don't want this money. They killed her.

Leonato: Then Hero is innocent.

Margaret: Of course she is innocent. But she is dead.

Leonato: Go to your room, Margaret.

(Exit MARGARET.)

Claudio: Choose any punishment, Leonato. I was wrong. I killed your daughter with my foolishness.

Leonato :But you love her.

Claudio: I loved her, but now it is too late. Punish me. Kill me if you wish.

Leonato: You wished to marry Hero.

Pedro: He did.

Leonato: Then will you marry ?

Claudio: Marry ? Whom?

Leonato: My brother has a daughter the same age as Hero. I will bring her here. If she will take you, will you marry her ?

Claudio: This marriage is my punishment ?

Leonato: Yes.

Claudio: I agree, Leonato. You are a merciful man. I will marry this girl. I will marry any one you choose.

Leonato: Good. Come tomorrow, and we will meet at Hero's grave. I will introduce you to your new bride.

(Exit all.)

SCENE 10

(Enter BENEDICK singing. He takes paper and pencil and writes words, as if writing a song.)

Benedick: "The God of Love, That sits above, And knows me, and knows me."

Beatrice (entering) : I wonder who knows you . I'm sure I don't.

Benedick: Beatrice ! My lovely. . . .

Beatrice: Never mind that nonsense. Have you killed Claudio ?

Benedick: Claudio ? Of course not.

Beatrice: You promised.

Benedick: Did I ?

Beatrice :You know you did.

Benedick: I promised to find the murderer of Hero, and kill him.

Beatrice :Yet you '.it here singing ! Go and find the murderer.

Benedick (dropping paper accidentally) : Yes, madam.

(Exit BENEDICK.)

Beatrice (picks up paper) : "The God of love, That sits above."

(She laughs and exits.)

SCENE 11

(Enter CLAUDIO, PEDRO, in black mourning.)

Pedro: This is Hero's grave.

( They kneel, putting flowers on the ground. LEONATO and girls enter at a distance.)

Leonato: Shh ! Look ! Pedro and Claudio. Hero, cover your head. All you girls, cover your heads.

(All girls put black veil over their heads.)

Pedro (in loud voice) : Gentlemen ! (to CLAUDIO) Here is her father.

Claudio: Forgive me, sir. I have done you great wrong. Have you brought me my punishment ?

Leonato: Yes. Here is a new Hero for you.

Claudio: Which is the lady ?

Leonato: This.

(He puts hand of HERO into hand of CLAUDIO.)

Claudio: Madam, if you will accept me, I am yours.

Hero :I accept you.

Claudio (kisses her hand) : Now let me see your face.

Leonato: No ! First the marriage.

Pedro: Claudio, do you take this lady as your wife ?

Claudio: I do.

Pedro: And, Iady with no name, will you take Claudio today and for ever ?

Hero: I do.

Leonato: Then I think we can say the promise is made.

Claudio: And our new life begins.

Hero (lifting veil) : In my other life, I was your other wife. And when you loved me, you were my other husband.

Claudio (amazed) : Hero ! Another Hero or the same Hero ?

Hero :The same, but also another. One died, wrongly accused. Another lives to marry Claudio.

Pedro: Hero ! So you did not die.

Leonato: She was dead while the lies were living, my lord.

Benedick:And under these other veils, who are these other ladies ?

Beatrice (removing veil) : I am Beatrice. What do you want? ,

Benedick: What do I want ? Well, let me think. Hero is marrying Claudio. I suppose you must want to marry me.

Beatrice :Me marry you ? What a strange idea ! ,

Benedick: Then Leonato, Prince Pedro and Claudio have been strangely deceived. They said you loved me.

Beatrice :Did they ? And what, may I ask, do you feel about me? Do you by any chance love me ?

Benedick: Do I love you? Well, that's a joke.

Beatrice: A joke ? Then Hero and Margaret are also deceived. They said your love for me was making you sick.

Benedick: They said you were almost dead for me.

Beatrice :Too bad ! Everybody seems to have been mistaken.

Benedick: Then you do not love me ?

Beatrice: Me ? I love everybody.

Leonato :Come, come, Beatrice I know you love Benedick.

Claudio: I'm positive he is crazy for her.

Benedick: Nonsense !

Beatrice: Ridiculous ! Quite ridiculous !

Pedro: She wrote a poem to him.

Beatrice: I did not!

Pedro (showing paper) : Here it is !

Benedick: Show me !

(BENEDICK reads paper.)

Beatrice: He wrote a song to me.

Benedick: Never !

Beatrice (showing paper) : Here it is.

(Sings.)

"The God of love, that's sits above"

(All laugh.)

Benedick (embarrassed) : Stop !

Pedro : Did Benedick write this ?

Beatrice : Yes, and I heard him singing it, too.

Leonato : Did Beatrice write that ?

Hero : Yes, I found it in her room.

(BENEDICK and BEATRICE read each other's papers. BEATRICE laughs loudly.)

Benedick: Stop ! Stop ! That noise drives me crazy. I will marry you just to make you quiet. I will marry you out of pity.

Beatrice (angry): Pity ! Well ! What a nerve ! What impudence ! Nothing will ever make me marry you after that !

Benedick (puts his hand over her mouth) : If' you promise to say the one word "Yes" then I will let you speak.

(BEATRICE seems to be choking and unable to breath, BENEDICK removes hand. BEATRICE is very subdued.)

Benedick: Well ?

Beatrice (quietly) : Yes.

(All laugh and clap.)

Claudio: At last! Benedick the married man !

Benedick: Now Claudio ! Don't you start making trouble !

Leonato: Music ! Music !

( There is music. All dance. BENEDICK and BEATRICE seem rather embarrassed. The other dance off the stage, leaving BENEDICK and BEATRICE. He makes her sit down and takes her hand. CLAUDIO enters stealthily with a large sheet of paper and a brush. He writes BENEDICK THE MARRIED MAJY and fastens this silently to BENEDICK's back. BEATRICE sees this, reads it, and laughs. The others stand at the side of the stage, also laughing. BENEDICK is embarrassed, then takes BEATRICE roughly, and dances with her, leading her off the stage. Music.)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

PLACE : Sicily

TIME : uncertain

ACTORS : 8 boys, 3 girls

PEOPLE IN THE PLAY

LEONATO

HERO, his daughter

BEATRICE, his niece

PRINCE PEDRO

PRINCE JOHN, his brother

BENEDICK, lover of BEATRICE

CLAUDIO, lover of HERO

MARGARET, servant to HERO

BORACHIO, servant to PRINCE JOHN

MESSENGER